Witnessing Yourself in Everyday Life

 TMO 

The Path Towards Self-Realization: Part V

Witnessing yourself during meditation is important, but putting the focus on witnessing ourselves is also a wonderful way to deal with problems in everyday life. For instance: Instead of getting all depressed and wailing, “I’m ugly, worthless, and unloveable!,” be a witness of yourself and observe: “I’ve been going through a lot of problems lately, and when Joseph broke up with me, I overreacted. I don’t even care about being with him that much, I just didn’t like my ego being damaged.”

It is up to you to face up to yourself, challenge those defenses covering up the truth, and say, “I will look at you! I will listen to what my Psyche is trying to tell me!” You must bring your repressed fears and desires into your consciousness and into the light, in order to view them objectively. Otherwise, if pushed into the subconscious, they will haunt you in dreams; a pervading feeling of emptiness and longing; anxiety which follows you throughout every moment; or a constant driving anger, which causes you to rebel against your own true nature as well as against others.

If you are open and honest with yourself, you can know and realize what your hangups are. Think back to your childhood – What has made you fear the most? What motivates you more than anything else? Is it one and the same thing? Often, I find that the thing one fears the most is the same thing one longs for above all else. What angers you? What is it you really want? And who or what have you been fighting all your life? Why?

Through understanding, self-awareness, and acceptance, you can shed light on the monster which controls you – your fear of dealing with your imperfections. Once you can view the monster objectively, you will find that it is not a monster after all, but a great potential of your being, which has as of yet been unrealized! Once you get at the root of your anger, you will be able to channel that great energy into creative and productive purposes, rather than destroying yourself by letting it eat away at you.

Accepting Your Limitations

The same voices, which nag you about the imperfections of others are the same voices that remind you of your own imperfections. In other words, finding fault in others is merely a projection of your own guilt. Instead of accepting your own self-criticism for your weaknesses, you project the blame towards others, whom you resent for some reason or another – often the reason being for pointing out your imperfections to you!

Teachers

The strongest resentment is usually aimed at authority figures who censor you, take away your freedom, make you feel powerless, punish you, and in many cases, love you.  Often there is one person who represents to you everything you hate, envy, or fear in the world. All this person’s good points are invisible to you. You hardly think of this person as a human being, but as a symbol. In many cases, it is the parent of the same sex.

What you fail to realize, though, is that your bitterness against this person is more harmful to you than anything that this person could ever do to you. Even when you’re away from him, the bitterness fills you. You hate anything that reminds you of him, and when you are with this person, deep communication is impossible. Your anger is keeping you prisoner; stifling your personal evolution and maturation process. If you could find the strength within yourself to forgive this person for the crimes he has committed and commits against you, you will have taken a big step towards freeing yourself of the anger, fear, and guilt that controls you more than any person ever could!

Accepting those who limit you, control and frustrate you, is one of the most important steps in accepting the limitations you hate yourself for.

A teacher is not there to tell you what you already know. He is there to point out what you are doing wrong! The only way to figure out the right way is to know what the wrong ways are. Swallowing your pride and forgiving your teachers for mistakes they have made themselves in trying to help you is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. But it is also one of the most beautiful and beneficial steps you can take in your journey towards self-acceptance and contentedness.

Getting along with authority figures also makes life a lot easier for you. When you realize that most limitations are meant for your own good, you will often find yourself better able to convince the authority figure that you are trustworthy enough to have fewer limits. And even if that doesn’t work, you’ll be able to deal with limitations in a better way.

An analogy I like to use is this: Water needs to be channelled through the riverbank in order to flow anywhere. If there were no limits, the water would just turn into a swamp that doesn’t go anywhere, and where little but algae and weeds can grow.

Inner emotional turmoil is the root cause of almost all sickness. There can be a point in spiritual development where one stops being habitually plagued by colds and viruses. By breaking down the barriers that hide one’s inner light, your physical body gains a great deal of vitality and endurance!

People find other things besides the older generation at which to project the blame for their unhappiness: the place they live, their financial situation, their government, their school…

Unhappiness is a personal thing, which has less to do with outer circumstances than it seems. It is up to you to be happy in spite of difficulties. As they say, “Living well is the best revenge.”

Either change it now, or accept it. You can waste your life away being miserable, but that does no one any good. If you want to change a situation, but can’t, at least not in the present moment, then it’s best to accept it and stop blaming it for all your problems.

Find the good in all things unpleasant. Know that every difficult situation is a lesson, to teach you inner strength or to give you life experience; or it is a test of your adaptability and ability to overcome obstacles. If you look at it this way, you will not only be able to endure hard lessons, but you may even welcome them. If you can find something good in the things you detest, you are far wiser and nobler than those who fight against their supposed enemies.

Now, sometimes a situation is really bad. A parent is abusively cruel, or a government is unfairly harsh. These situations need to be dealt with. But it is much better to deal with them peacefully and with objectivity and understanding than to rebel and lash out, because that almost always makes the situation worse. Try to change “I hate you!” into “I accept that you are a person with weaknesses, not unlike myself – but what you are doing to me hurts a lot.”

It’s YOUR attitude you need to change first. Then, with understanding and awareness, patience and determination; with no need to protect your pride and ego but only a humble self-dignity, you can effectively deal with human beings, not monsters.

The Path Towards Self-Realization: Part IV

 TMO 

Our Defenses: Intellect

People have many reactions and defenses to keep from realizing truths about themselves. One thing we do a lot is rationalize: to twist the truth around so that we see only what we feel like looking at. Another thing we do is project the blame at another person: the age-old, “But he started it!”

With our intellect, we deny our Psyche the chance to speak. We deny the existence of anything we cannot see or touch with our hands. Intellectual reasoning is definitely necessary in order to function in this world, but because it is limited to obvious, tangible evidence, we must be able to go beyond it! There are truths which we cannot grasp with our intellect alone. The unconscious has nothing to do with rational thought. (Just take a look at your dreams!) The Psyche speaks in riddles, which can only be solved with an open mind that can accept intuition as reality. Sometimes, when you stop trying to figure it all out, and just let it be, then you will suddenly understand!

Emotions

Another thing we try to do with our intellectual defenses is to stifle our emotions. That won’t work either! When suppressed, emotions blow totally out of proportion until they become unmanageable. Being overwhelmed with emotion, be it pleasant or unpleasant, drains you of all objectivity and clarity of thought. For example: When you are in a bad mood, it is impossible to think of anything as positive, and likewise – if you are in a good mood, you have to ignore everything negative in order to stay in your bubble.

With all this struggling going on inside you – between your intellect and emotions, between your ego and the egos of others, between what you are and what you wish you were… it is very important just to sit quietly and feel what’s going on inside.

But instead of doing this, a lot of people try to drown out all these struggling voices by adding other voices on top of them! They are simply terrified to be alone with themselves. They surround themselves with company, they listen to loud music, or they watch TV constantly – violent programs to feed their aggression, or soap operas to help them ignore their own problems by worrying about the lives of fictional characters.

The best thing to do is, once in a while, turn off the TV, turn off the music, sit by yourself and listen to the birds chirping, and the wind rustling through the trees. Because underneath all of this struggling lies Psyche, your soul, and the answers to your problems. She is deep inside you, waiting patiently for all the voices to quiet so that she can speak clearly, tell you what you need to do, and give you the strength to do it.

What is Meditation?

A lot of people, when they hear the word “meditation,” think of people with shaved heads chanting “ommmmm.” Certainly this is one way to meditate, but meditation is really just finding the peace inside oneself and residing in it. Meditation is important to combat stress and mental fatigue, as well as a way to bring unrealized truths out from within you.

Like sleep is to the body, so is meditation to the mind. It rests and revitalizes the spirit, and you come out feeling stronger, calmer, and better able to handle stressful situations.  Don’t expect to have out-of-body experiences or revelations from God – though you might, but that’s not the main point of meditation – just as your dreams are not the main reason for sleeping!

A good way to meditate is to sit peacefully and listen to the rain pattering on the roof, but people find meditation through exercise, or manual labor such as gardening, shoveling snow, cooking or cleaning. Others find peace by doing artwork or chanting on beads. The best thing to do is whatever comes naturally to you, maybe something you’ve enjoyed doing as a child, such as hunting for four-leaf clovers or flying a kite. If you do most any activity with spiritual intention, with the higher purpose of cleansing and resting your spirit, the benefits from the activity will be multiplied.

Sitting Meditation

A beautiful spiritual practice is sitting meditation. In the west, it is also known as quiet contemplation. It often follows prayer and chanting exercises. Sit comfortably (with the back straight is healthiest) and listen to your breath going in and out. Your breath came with you into this life, carries you through each moment in life, and leaves you as you go out of this life. So, your breath is very important for concentration in meditation.

The goal of sitting meditation is to have complete silence in your mind, but this does not happen immediately. In fact, it may take several periods of meditation before you can attain even one moment free of thoughts. But that moment is really beautiful!

Don’t try not to think, because that is a thought in itself. Picture yourself as a mountain, and all your thoughts as clouds drifting by. Don’t cling to them, just watch them go by, and then bring your focused attention back to your breathing again. If you begin to doze or drift off into daydreams or worries, just gently bring yourself back into consciousness. One good way to help yourself to not drift off, is right before you start, make a little vow to yourself to sit quietly and focused for ten minutes or whatever amount of time you wish to meditate. In time, your thoughts will slow down automatically, gradually becoming less and less, until all you hear is the crystal silence inside yourself.

You can also practice meditation while doing chores or walking to school, or sitting on the bus. Do whatever you’re doing with focused attention on your breath, and be at one with whatever task you are performing. Not only will this give you peace of mind, but you will find that your work becomes much more pleasant this way, and gets done more carefully. Be awake at each moment. Not only when you are doing sitting meditation, but with everything you do, be aware and conscious of what you are doing.

When meditating, it is important to be a witness of yourself. Watch yourself breathing. If you are a witness to yourself, you will be less likely to be carried away by thoughts and daydreams. If you feel discomfort, just be a witness of it, don’t start getting involved with it. For instance, instead of thinking, “My leg is asleep! Oh it feels so strange! What should I do?”, just be aware that your leg is asleep, and don’t be bothered by it; or, should it become too uncomfortable to bear, simply move your leg, still with attention focused on breathing, deal with the situation calmly and purposefully until it is resolved.

Developing the strength to become a witness of yourself will positively affect every aspect of how you handle life.

The Path Towards Self-Realization: Part III

TMO 

Stop Outward Searching

Once you have made a commitment to yourself to consciously search for the true meaning of life, and you know at least mentally, that the only way to find yourself is to look within yourself; now it is time to look at all the places you have been searching unsuccessfully for fulfillment, and examine the reasons why. On my journey, I have met many people who travel the world searching for their souls. Some of them will find it, I am certain, but they won’t find it in a pub, or on a train, or in the sunset. The moment they stop looking for happiness, is when they are sure to find it.

Many people think of love as the highest joy and fulfillment. But love as paradise is an illusion! People try time and time again to find completion in another human being. Time and time again, they are hurt because the other showed himself or herself to be imperfect. When you love someone’s good points and ignore their bad points, you are in love with a myth, which you have created. This is wonderful for a while; you are filled with passion and energy, like a divine madness. But you are looking through him, not at him. This is unfair to both of you. One day, you are forced to look at him as an imperfect human being with human weaknesses. The love you felt instantly vanishes. Instead of blaming yourself for having expected too much from him, you reject him and search for another person to give meaning and happiness to your life.

A long-lasting, happy relationship between two people who are trying to find perfect fulfillment in the other person is impossible. It is only when you are secure and happy within yourself that you can find harmony with another person. If you are balanced inside yourself, you have the strength to see others truly – to be able to look at their faults, but also beyond all their imperfections and see their magnificence! You can appreciate their whole being, and such a relationship will be meaningful, because you are not expecting the impossible. Not only does this type of love last, but it grows more beautiful with time.

Wanting to Save the World

Many people have aspirations and desires to save the world from corruption and misery.  This is quite natural, because the world is imperfect, and people do suffer. But I suggest that the struggles between nations and societies are nothing more than a reflection of all the personal struggles of individuals. If people were at peace with themselves, there would be no need to gain wealth and power at the expense of other people’s freedom and well-being.

There are so many people who have tried, and are still trying to unify the world, and all of them have failed. They say, “Forget your ego and join our cause.” But they are only chopping at the branches, not at the root of the problem. For as long as people are at war with themselves, they will never be able to be at peace with others for any length of time. As long as people are feeling unfulfilled, they will keep trying to gain as much power or as many possessions as they possibly can, in order to feel more secure about themselves.

I am suggesting that often, in trying to organize and change others for the good of humanity, you are conveniently avoiding having to look at the problems inside yourself. 

How can you hope to save society if you can’t even save yourself? Society is made up of individuals like yourself, all struggling to find happiness and completeness. As long as you are not at peace with yourself, you are acting out of fear and anger, the root of all evil. You want to save the world, but it is only because you are afraid to die, or because you are angry at what others have taken from you. Obviously, the world is imperfect. But fighting out of anger has never brought about peace, and it never will.

The important thing to do is first to rid yourself of your fears and your anger, by going inside and finding the root of your individual problems. Then you will have the wisdom and courage to truly help others. “It is better to conquer the self than to win a thousand battles, for then, the triumph is yours.”

Go Inside

The way to come to terms with yourself is to look at yourself. This seems fairly obvious, but people really have problems listening to what their inner voices are saying to them. I personally have this problem especially when it comes to knowing when to rest. I wear myself out, always working too hard, and then wanting to go out and have fun – while my whole inner self is screaming at me: “This is too much stress for me to handle! Please just go home and do nothing for a while!” But I am driven by guilt, or anger, or perhaps a desire to prove something, and so I push myself beyond physical and mental capacity until my body reacts against my will with headaches, illness, and complete exhaustion. Then my mind starts feeling like it’s going bananas, and my emotions act up so I get hysterical over silly incidents, or I get totally depressed and I can no longer function: all because I didn’t listen to my inner voices – my own intuition about what’s best for me. That’s one problem I am working to overcome, through meditation and relaxation, and just learning to live sensibly!

When I say “voices,” I am referring to feelings coming from the Psyche deep within. These voices are also known as intuition, or ESP, or commonly as guilt, anxiety, or a vague longing. When responded to properly, these voices will guide you through every step of your personal evolution. By listening to them, you can learn a great deal about yourself and others. Don’t repress these feelings! Lack of attention to these voices will result in dissatisfaction, depression, and mental instability. One has to develop the ability to perceive these voices and decode their messages. The best way is to practice! So start listening!

For example, if you are feeling a vague sense of guilt, the thing to do is figure out why you are feeling guilty, and what you can do to relieve yourself of it. This will vary. You may need to repent and make amends, or you may need to realize that you are being neurotic and simply forgive yourself. In order to respond to your inner voices appropriately, you first have to be able to separate yourself from the situation and be able to look at it objectively. This is the only way to overcome the natural defenses, which keep you from hearing the voices clearly and receiving internal guidance.

[to be continued...]