The Path to Self-Realization: Part II

March 20, 2014 by TMO 

Why Can’t We Find Ourselves?

If Psyche, or our true, inner self, resides within each one of us, WHY do we still feel unsure, afraid, incomplete? All the secrets of the universe lie in our unconscious, so why don’t we know all the answers? Only by breaking through the false ego can we liberate Psyche and awaken dormant truths.

People think they want to know the Truth, but they are (with good reason) terrified of letting go of their preconceived notions and their ideas of self-worth. Because to show Psyche to our consciousness is to shed light on all our imperfections. It would force us to see how small we really are in comparison to the universe. It would destroy our sense of security based on the world as we perceive it to be. We would profoundly have to realize that all we trust to be fact, and all that we hold to be true is changeable as the weather. We would either have to seek life on a spiritual plane (and that means giving up a lot of things!), or be driven over the brink of insanity.

Most people would rather not be inconvenienced by these realizations. They prefer to live and not be bothered by divine truths and ideas incomprehensible to normal thought and understanding. Some people can live quite happily without discovering “the meaning of life.” That is fine for them. But others struggle in despair, longing and clutching at air, lost in dreams because they need so much to be fulfilled, but they are unable to find what they are in search of. These are the people for whom this essay is written. This essay is a meant as a guide for those who sincerely want to find themselves; to set Psyche free from the darkness which envelopes her.

You must be prepared to delve deep into the unconscious, and to go through a great deal of suffering, due not only to the realizations you make, but other people who do not understand what you are going through. People who you thought of as friends may reject you, but perhaps this is just as well. You will find out who your true friends are, because they will love you in spite of the changes you are going through, and they will give you strength and support.

Maybe you will find that you have no true friends at all. Now is your chance to find the strength to stand on your own; to quote Buddha: “Be ye a lamp unto thyself.” Once you have this light, you will be able to relate to others on a non-superficial basis. You’ll be able to give and receive honest love, and not feel as if you are losing something when you share yourself with others.

Where is Psyche Hiding?

The first thing you have to do is realize that no one is keeping the truth from you but yourself. Psyche is the perfection within all the imperfections. She is the motivating force which guides all our actions. Once in a while we feel her, when we let go of ourselves enough to be moved by a scriptural passage, a beautiful song, or gaze in pure bliss at the rising sun.

Psyche is always there, yet in order to protect ourselves from the terror and chaos a sudden revelation would bring, we cover her up with all sorts of natural defenses – unconscious drives and reactions, emotions which blind us to the true cause of our emotions (example: getting angry at your sister because your fiancé hung up on you), intellect which causes us to rationalize and project the blame for our unhappiness (example: thinking you’d be truly happy if only you didn’t live in a capitalistic society, or if only Amy would fall in love with you, etc.).

Rational thought is a great wall which you must find your way around. The intellect is very useful in this world, but in order to realize universal truths, you must open your heart and mind to feelings and profound knowledge which are beyond intellectual grasp, simply because they deal with that which cannot be seen with the eyes or heard with the ears.

“I Am a Seeker”

After you realize that it’s your own defenses keeping you from the perfect fulfillment you seek, it’s time to take the first step on to the path towards finding your true self. That means admitting to yourself and to God that you are a seeker. Everybody is searching for happiness, but most people aren’t admitting it, and that is why they aren’t finding it!

Instead of saying, “I am searching for my soul,” they say, “If I can live in New York, I will be happy,” or “If I am rich,” or “If I fall in love with the perfect mate, I will be fulfilled.” But it never works out that way! Maybe they will have a decent life. Maybe they’ll get to own a DVD player and have a nice husband and three kids, but there will always be something missing, until they find unity and peace within themselves.

When a person has peace within himself, he is not bothered by the fact that he isn’t rich,  or he hasn’t accomplished anything that people have taken great notice of. Such a person has accomplished more than any of his peers who have big cars and fancy houses because he has the courage to look at himself and accept his faults or change them, instead of trying to hide them by putting down others, or having lots of friends to build up the ego (which usually just makes it more obvious that the person is insecure).

A person who knows and respects his true self has nothing to prove. A person who has found the true worth inside him knows that it has nothing to do with ego. A person who is at peace with himself loves and respects himself, and such a person loves and respects others also, because he knows that they are fundamentally no different than himself.

Such a person can love others without clinging to them. He doesn’t need others’ attention in order to feel good about himself. But at the same time, he doesn’t push away those who need him and cling to him because they sense his honesty and integrity, his love of all life. Such a person tries to help others find themselves, and encourages them to stand on their own two feet.

You want to be such a person, but you hold back. Why? In order to find yourself, to “set Psyche free,” you have to really want to. It is never easy, in fact it is a terrifyingly lonely task to undertake, because the journey must be made alone. There can be people who give you support and encouragement, they can point to the road and tell you where to go, but YOU must do the walking. YOU must make the commitment.

It is a hard journey no matter how long or short it takes, but you will find that, after you overcome your fears, the joy and bliss and the multitudes of treasures you find are infinite and precious. Once you find your true self, you never have to be miserable again, no matter what the circumstances! Enlightenment is not a one-time occurrence, but a constant process of growth and evolution, which goes on within you as long as you live, and beyond.

Inside you will blossom wisdom, compassion, joy – a pure radiance and immense love for the universe and the universal spirit, which guides and protects you along every step of the journey. You will discover and develop an inner strength, which cannot be destroyed; it will help you overcome every hardship and light up the darkness. You will find that nothing is impossible, that every dream can be realized.

[to be continued...]

Can Empathy Be Learned?

February 6, 2014 by TMO 

Nature versus Nurture has been a long-standing question regarding human growth: What traits are we born with and what traits develop because of our situation – what people (our parents, “the system,” religion etc.) do to us and what choices we ourselves make about everything from diet to employment to spiritual practice. 

Current psychological sciences seem to be focusing more and more on neurology rather than psychiatry to understand human behavior. Emotional trauma can have a huge effect on a person’s life, and we can’t deny that our genetic make-up plays a role in how we react to stress. Yet, how successfully we respond to stress or trauma also has a lot to do with our emotional reservoirs (how well we were treated as a child, happy memories of feeling successful, adults modeling good behavior), and with the timely appearance of appropriate guidance.

Appropriate guidance is advice that is given in a way that the person who needs the advice is able to comprehend and absorb it. Guidance is probably the number one factor in long term human survival.

John Gray, PhD, a best-selling self-help author, became interested in the concept of guidance to resolve problems, even as complicated as relationship problems, after his beloved father was found dead in the trunk of his car. He had been robbed by a hitchhiker. The trunk of the car was dented and bloody from his father’s desperate panicked attempts to escape. Gray climbed into the trunk to try and feel what his father would have felt in his final hours. Just then, Gray’s brother discovered that there was actually a hidden latch that would have opened the trunk from the inside. By speaking to Gray inside the car, his brother was able to explain to him, cramped in total darkness, where the latch was. Gray was able to calmly get out of the trunk within a few minutes instead of dying in a terrible way. Because meaningful and loving guidance was there.

Neurology is extremely important in order to know how to give appropriate guidance. Different personality types will respond differently to the same stimuli, and a good teacher learns to teach in different ways for different personalities.

According to Carl Jung’s theory of psychological types, human consciousness is characterized by its preference of the general attitude: Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted. It is also characterized by its preferences within the two pairs of its mental functions: Sensing (S) – Intuition (N) and Thinking (T) – Feeling (F). Isabel Briggs Myers proposed a fourth dichotomy: Judging (J) – Perceiving (P). 

All possible variables result in 16 different combinations that define 16 scientifically different personality types. This author took the test and found out that my personality type occurs in 1 out of 10,000 people. And it’s true, I would have to talk to 40,000 people to find four people who agree with me on all things personal. Forget about politics! It was definitely healing to note that my personality type is the most commonly misunderstood because 9,999 out of 10,000 people think I’m “different.”

Kristie Karima Burns, MH, ND writes in “The Temperaments and the Adult-Child Relationship” that:

“There are four temperaments in the Waldorf system of education. These correspond with the four temperaments as studied by Greek healers as well as healers and scholars in the Middle East. The sanguine is restless like the butterfly and adaptive like the seasons. The choleric is vibrant like the fire. The melancholic is solid and steady like the earth. The phlegmatic is like a river, both peaceful and mysterious, and can look flowing and simple on the outside but have a rich inner world. If a person considers each of these natural phenomena it cannot be said that one is more important than the other or that one is better than the other.  A flowing river is just as beautiful and important as a colorful fluttering butterfly. The earth and the fire are equally important elements, each with their own beauty, power, and value. However, when people consider each other they often have difficulty feeling this way about their fellow man.”

However all these personality categories assume that a person is neurologically healthy.

In our modern times we are dealing with a combination of environmental pollution and pharmaceutical assault on brain function as well as a rise in computer sciences, which result in high paying jobs for people with low social functioning skills. So, people who in past centuries would be rejected for marriage or normal societal recognition, are now wealthy enough to buy themselves a family. The result being more and more people are being born with various neurological problems which are lumped together as “Autism Spectrum Disorder.”

The spectrum is understood as linear, with “Empathic” on one end and “Autistic” on the other end. Everyone is somewhere on the spectrum. A super empath might be so sensitive to the needs of others that she is clairvoyant whereas a super autistic would be so sensitive to his own internal experience that he doesn’t make eye contact or speak. High-functioning autism, often diagnosed as Asperger Syndrome, is a personality type that can succeed in certain areas of brain function such as math and science but neurologically lacks the ability to understand another person’s point of view especially on an emotional level. Grace Myhill, a therapist associated with the Aspergers Association of New England (AANE), believes that 50% of the population these days has some degree of autism and could be diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome.

Autism spectrum disorders differ from personality types because they describe a profound and incurable inability to notice or care about the needs of others, especially in moments of stress. Statistically, there are certain people who would climb over their own children to get out of a burning airplane while there are other people who would enter a burning airplane to save others. On an individual level, the self-absorbed person has a higher chance of survival and thus procreating. Altruistic thinking and behavior works on a group level and enhances the survival of the group.

When intuition and empathy are lacking, only religion can fill the gap. Rules for what to do and what not to do go a long way in helping people to emulate caring behavior. However, the problem of people lacking empathy is not going away. In addition to the involvement of psychiatric drugs in many recent mass murders committed by young people, there seems to be increasing awareness about autism playing a role in school shootings.

When half of the population has autism, the other half of the population is trying to cope with the additional responsibilities of caring for them. It’s hard. Especially when that person with autism is you, or your spouse, or your child. Guidance is everything. Thankfully, there is so much information and help out there.